For newly separated or divorcing parents, figuring out how to share parenting time during the holidays can be understandably challenging. If there’s no existing court order or agreement that sets out a holiday schedule, both parents must work together to build one from scratch, unless they intend to litigate their differences and leave their fate in this regard to the courts.
While the task may seem daunting, a thoughtfully crafted holiday parenting schedule can reduce conflict, set clear expectations and help everyone to enjoy the season more than they would if a less attentive approach had been employed.
You’re ready to start. Now what?
The first step is to identify which holidays matter most to each parent. For some families, Thanksgiving and the winter holidays are the top priorities. For others, long weekends, birthdays, religious observances or school breaks may carry more weight. Understanding what each parent values creates room for compromise and helps to better ensure that the most important days are addressed intentionally rather than by default.
Parents also need to consider how holidays will be divided. Some choose to alternate holidays each year—for example, one parent has Thanksgiving in odd-numbered years, the other in even-numbered years. Others may split the day itself, especially if both households are nearby. A third approach is assigning fixed holidays to each parent every year. There is no one-size-fits-all solution – which is one of the many reasons why working with a skilled legal team attuned to a family’s unique needs can be very helpful – but consistency and clarity are key. Whatever the plan, it should reflect what will work best for the children’s well-being and the parents’ preferences, as well.
Travel, logistics and transitions also matter. If one parent plans to travel out of town, that must be discussed well in advance to better ensure that transportation, school schedules and communication plans are all addressed to everyone’s satisfaction. It’s wise to include drop-off and pick-up times in the written agreement so that both parties know exactly what to expect.
When creating a holiday schedule, it’s helpful to write everything down in detail. Specify dates, times, exchange locations and any travel limitations. A written document provides a clear reference if questions arise later and helps prevent misunderstandings. Even if a schedule starts informally, formalizing it through the courts will provide added security and enforcement if disputes arise in the future.
Starting from scratch may be challenging, but it also offers a chance to create new traditions and structure for the future. With care, patience and knowledgeable guidance, co-parents can craft a holiday schedule that honors each parent’s role and gives their children something to look forward to every year.
